Captain America Civil war Trailer Descriptions

This all a rumor but:

It's narrated by Secretary Ross.

"The world is changing. For centuries, we believed ourselves to be in power. But now, we know that there are far greater powers out there. Powers that can either be a force for good or tools of destruction. It rests on our shoulders to decide which, but that can only happen through change. Through us reclaiming control of our fates. Fighting for our future. There are only two options: To enforce order or surrender to chaos."

Intercut with this, we see quick shots of Tony Stark alone in his office, staring at the Iron Man helmet in his desk; Black Widow holding a gun; Hawkeye drawing an arrow from his quiver; The Vision is a snow-covered mountainside; Scarlet Witch screaming and shattering everything around her; Ant-Man shrinking; Falcon soaring above the air; War Machine marching down a corridor; Agent 13 looking distressed; Winter Soldier stepping out of the shadows; However Martin Freeman is playing walking down a hallway surrounded by agents; Black Panther turning around and unveiling his claws; and someone picking up the shield. We then see that Ross is talking to Captain America. He says "The real question is: What side are you on", and Cap looks pissed.

We see some more shots of military types shooting guns, people protesting on the streets, people running scared, and then a massive crater.

Back to Stark, who says "This isn't an offer. It's an ultimatum. You're going to have to accept it." Cap inquires "And if I don't?" Cut to black and someone says "War".

We then see Cap's team, Scarlet Witch included, in an aiport, followed by one by one shots of Iron Man's team. Cap says "Let's end this." We then see an alternative shot of Cap's team running into action. Iron Man flies into the air and fires a repulsor blast. Cap throws his shield. Smash to black and the title.

We then see Cap and Stark talking. Stark says "If we don't obey the law, we're no better than the guys we fight", intercut with Iron Man, War Machine, Black Widow and the Vision standing in front of a cheering crowd. Cap answers "Despite what happened, the safest hands are still ours", intercut with Captain America, Falcon, Hawkeye and Ant-Man. Stark says "Maybe you're a little nervous about not calling the shots for once in your life", to which Cap answes "Or maybe I just don't trust who would be calling the shots", Stark smiles and says "You know... Sometimes I just want to punch you in your perfect little teeth".

We see some more shots of military types shooting guns, people protesting on the streets, people running scared, and then a massive crater.

Back to Stark, who says "This isn't an offer. It's an ultimatum. You're going to have to accept it." Cap inquires "And if I don't?" Cut to black and someone says "War".

We then see Cap's team, Scarlet Witch included, in an aiport, followed by one by one shots of Iron Man's team. Cap says "Let's end this." We then see an alternative shot of Cap's team running into action. Iron Man flies into the air and fires a repulsor blast. Cap throws his shield. Smash to black and the title.

thats it man. Go home or and go crazy or something. Anyway Cap has Ant-Man, and there's rumors he'll be able to do Giant Man stuff now too. It won't be that one sided. They're all going to team up to find the real bad guy at the end anyway. Its Funny when you think that a war between heroes marks the darkest part of a series in Marvel, in DC its only the begining so imagine when DC reaches its peak what kind of travesties will we be seeing? maybe Death of Superman?

it g ma

Why Kenyan Films and games are Doomed.

A few years back Kenya had one of its biggest "moments" in terms of film when the movie Nairobi Half-life premiered, if you havent watched this movie and are reading this you are scum and deserve to die... im kidding. You're okay...but serriously watch it good film.

Anyway, as always, disclaimer this is an opinion  not a fact so if it offends you...umm...sorry? I think? Lets just start this:

1. Piration

Now piration is a very delicate subject when we come to our self-proclaimed "second world country" that is something something in IT and something something [insert more pretenious nonsesnse sbout being technoligically advanced] because whether we like it or not its a very legal thing. Legal? yes. well for those who dont know what im talking about there the video/movie stores that operate off selling pirated movies that are given licenses to operate by the [insert EVEN MORE pretenious nonsesnse sbout being technoligically advanced] government

. 

Most people argue that the fault is in the studios for not having proper distribution services and till then we can slowly kill this big studios. There not wrong...just assholes so idk maybe ISPs like Zuku can get a deal with like netflix so we get movies...however thats not the point.

The point is: imagine youre an indie Movie/game producer and you have your product ready. For it to get purchased you need it distributed. All the "movie joints" illegally download all the movies they sell so they can never spend money buyibg your product to stock there shelves. If you get someone good enough to buy it it will be at a loss and he will want his profit so imagine the retail price...lets be nice and pretend it will be like Kshs. 400. now imagine that you are the consumer your there at the movie joint and you have two options pick up 8 or 10 movies like idk Avenger:age of ultron, mad max: fury road, Furious 7, Jurassic World, Ant-man, Straight Outta Compton, Black Mass, Ted 2, and Emipre season 1 and 2 or leave all those and watch PAPA shirandula the movie: the rise of mama Naliaka     

im sure most of you wouldnt buy it. but i know what youre thinking "well if they made a better genre i would probabbly consider buying this kenyan movies" well at this point we meet a little problem called THE TARGET AUDIENCE AND THE DRAMA DILEMA

2. THE TARGET AUDIENCE AND THE DRAMA DILEMA

As any logical person knows the only logical way to do buisness is to target the largest class and unfortunately or fortunately kenyas largest class is the lower middle class. this means on top of the mass majority not being able to afford the extra luxury they(and i hope i dont offend anyone with this following words) preffer simple movies i.e drama and comedy at most action.

i know some of you that arent from that clas are now about to become keyboard ninjas and type how you understood inception and so youcould understand any film but this isnt about you you attention seeking ...donkey...look at the line up of most televisin stations ill just list as many as possible and tell me the genres...actualy im too lazy to look them up.

so i know what youre thinking,"from this three genres cant we do anything cool to become worldwide or atleast impress the whole country?" and i say NOOO!
actually i say maybe its just that saying no makes me sound cool. but yeah maybe some of us might have different lives and drama is not the same to me or you same tocomedy. However, action can work in any setting if built up correctly. Scifi creates a whole new world so that we are on level ground. the problem is once you make a Fast and the furious in kenya or a scifimovie people will always bash you with some xenophobic backlash because "ingikua mkenya angefanya hivi na hivi" and this trend in seen when a movie or show *cough* *cough* sense 8 *cough* *cough* has a kenyan character and people say that is not a kenyan.and that raises the question "what does it mean to be kenyan?"

random vidfeo because it has some of the best arguments about kenyas potrayal

3. Is there a kenyan culture?

before i start this point i need to explain what culture appropriation so that any instances of it arent counted part of ours. Cultural appropriation is when one community adopts the culture of another. some people see this as a good thing others see it as a negative thing. everyone is entitilted to there views but one of them is a douchebag, probably the latter. It is at this moment when we flashback to all the times when kenya gets a negative mention on CNN or someone does a piece on struggling nairobi and everyone boards a matatu to there nearest KFC, Subway, national park they normally bearly visit or take pictures of there friends home in runda(rip in peace spelling not going to look up if i spelt it right) 

But ask them this #najivunia_kuwa_mkenya peeps what it means to be a kenyan and they will probabbly start listing tribal stereotypes. Not that i wouldnt mind hearing my hero talk with a kikuyu or luo accent but its not only misspronounciations and language, the kenyan culture goes much much deeper than how we pronounce words. 

so lets pretend we have figured out what it means to be kenyan and we make a kenyan avengers facing off Magnegro, would you watch it? NOOO!

4. Its kenyan so it has to be bad

 ayee chill i dont mean i think if its kenyan its bad but thats what many peoples mentality is. Dont be that guy who shouts that they are patriotic and you own nothin made in kenya minus the bed you most deifnetly bough at that carpenter wa hapo kwa corner.

and yeah thats all i had see you next time






just kidding you know we always post in sevens so now ill just do the most unkenyan thing and try giving solutions to the problems starting with this one.

APPRECIATE KENYAN THINGS

5. We need to find a culture

I know this is easier said than done but its time we found out when someone tries to chuck out the whole of east leigh(or is it isili?) saying they arent kenyans we know exactly what being kenyan is.

6. Dont give up

so this point is a motivational speech to all creators. JUST DO IT. DONT LET YOURE DREAMS BE DREAMS. an all that other stuff that guy who isnt a celebrity says. the thing is if you are to try  new stuff maybe you will be the one to introduce a new genre to our people. LOL but to be on the safe side if you do try an expeermintal genre dont do it in kenya market it to the world.

7. close down or deal with movie/game shops(that sell pirated material)

does this one need an explanation?
 i know its impossible but its worth a try putting it up here

annyway now im done so sound of below if you agree disagree or just want to shout.

it g ma

7 reasons Batman Can never beat superman

Yes ladies and gentlemen[yaay to equality] it has finally reached that unfortunate day the "because he's the goddamn Batman" bubble is bursted and who better to do it than a Batman fan boy? So as a great man once said you should all call Kenny Loggins because we are about to enter the...

But for argument sake i will also analyse some of the supposed times batman supposedly beat superman

2. Superman holds back...Alot

I get hurt whenever people think that whichever suit batman is wearing will probably protect him from the kryptonian but we all know that's not true. If the suit does anything it is probably protecting Batman from breaking all his bones whenever he hits superman because we all know his true kryptonian strength and it sure as hell can't be stopped by a flimsy piece of steel. Case and point the famous suit from Dark knight returns/Batman v superman was ripped into pieces the moment Clark lost his temper

3. Kryptonite isn't effective against superman

    So i'm imagining butt hurt sons of wayne are already shouting how Batman knows and owns supermans only weakness, kryptonite, but do you know who also knows and owns it? Almost half of supermans enemies not being limited to Lex Luthor( who owns a super suit similar to Bruce Wayne's powered by kryptonite), Metallo(who fights with a piece of Kryponite in his chest) and kryponite man who well you get the point

4. Way better toys

One word ladies and gents fortress of solitude. nuff said!

5. Superman is smarter

So I cant find the exact reference, forgive me senpai, but superman once said to the league "I am the invulnerable one any hit that i don't take you or somebody else will have to..." doesn't exactly prove my point but superman is a master strategist. and with the council of his father a man who was smart enough to perfectly predict the destruction of a planet whose technology is light years beyond earths and Bruce Wayne, build a ship o safely transport his son along with his own consciousness to earth and much more. furthermore superman has built a few great things in his fortress and his mind can think at the same speed as the flash which means he could process at least 1000000 different ideas at a second

Edit: i'm too lazy to find an actual speed of the flashs thought process so lets just agree that this is an acceptable estimate

6. The Sun

Remember when i promised that I will analyse some of superman's losses to batman then here's the first one. Superman has never utilized his greatest asset in any batman fight ,The yellow sun, in Dark knight Returns and what we saw from the B v S trailer Batman chooses the fight arena to be a place where the sun is completely blocked out so that superman is never at his full power but let us not forget he can always fly up into the air get a few seconds of charging and become so powerful that not even Kryptonite can affect him.

i apologize i know the man of steel costume is the worst

 7. Superman doesn't give up

We all know while Batman's battle strategy has always been take a few bumbs while learning your opponent run away and create some new toy to defeat your eneemy and return superman will always stand strong and never give up. This can be seen in the Dark knight fight when superman after taking all that Batman can dish out(most probably hearing the noisettes performing in his head the whole time)

and when he finally decides to put all his morallitty aside and sart a proper fight Batman knows he is fucked and fakes his own death to avoid the beatdown of the century. And how would superman beat Batman you ask... 

1.All of supermans powers

Yes the number one reason Superman will always beat bruce to a bloody mess all the powers tht are overlooked but rather than listing them down ill just listt some of the few ways superman can win this fight no sweat and if you can also ist a few of them in the comments below:

1. Superman can fly into space and use his super vision+ laser vision to fry batman
2. He could fly to gotham pick up all of batmans allies and start using them as batarangs
3. He could literally blow Batman away.
4. He can carry batman into the sun while he recharges
5. He could move at the speed of a moving bullet and go around the worl and stand behind batman then kick him in the nuts
6. He could just kick him in the nuts
7. He could tell the world Batman is Bruce Wayne

Remember when i said nuff said about the phantom zone? well i lied

8.Phantom zone

9.The gun that increase the effect of gravity on an object as much s you want

10. The Black mercy(a plant that makes you see hallucinations of the world as you want it in Batman case it showed him his parents never died)

11. Supergirl or anyone else from Kandor

12.Fun Fact: Batman is allergic to being beaten to death

it g ma

Flash (TV series) Trivia and other things

With D.C churning more and more great shows like Flash, Arrow, Gotham and Constantine it’s kind of hard not to get caught up in their new and innovative world. Although we can’t exactly praise them for not staying true to the source material even the staunchest of critics can’t deny that the re-writes aren’t that bad. The writers, thankfully, love us comic enthusiast to leave in bits and pieces of easter eggs and reference to the original source material that gets us squeamish. So for those of you who missed them here a few bits of trivia I picked up while watching the flash series.

1. Speed force

If you are a true fan of the flash I bet the number one thing that annoys you the most is possibly when you hear some uncultured twat say that the Flash’s power is super speed. Personally I don’t blame you and watching the first few episodes I had thought that maybe they were going to remove the flashes greatest feature until late into the series that Dr. Wells/reverse flash mentions it and instantly every flash fan got a nerdgasm. Why? Well, basically there is this thing called energy (kinetic, potential…E=MC²  you know what I mean). The flashes power allows him to tap into the energy produced by the forward motion of time and space allowing him to vibrate each molecule to the sub-atomic level(although there isn’t a clear definition of what the speed force is in the new 52 some argue its origin is likely the same as most superhuman abilities found in dc universe, a byproduct of the mysterious Omni-energy known as The source)

2. Cisco Ramon

Or as more seasoned DC fans know him as Codename: Vibe. In the D.C universe Cisco Ramon acquires the powers to emit sonic blasts( the power that Hartley Rathaway “creates” in the flash series). What makes this even way exiting is while The flash is part of the self-sponsored (pronounced Bruce Wayne sponsored) justice league, Vibe is part of the government owned Justice league of America and is recruited by Amanda Waller to specifically be on the team as a counter for the flash. He is one of the few characters whose character is almost a mirror image of his comic character even showing his immense love for his brother, the same thing that makes him to turn into a hero.

3. Caitlyn Snow

 Longtime fans of the fury of Firestorm: the nuclear man have been on the edge of their seats since episode one when they heard this name reason being this is the civilian identity of the character Killer Frost. After an attempt on her life to stop her newest discovery, “an experimental technology that might have derailed sizable investments in the energy industry” she turns to killer frost able to wield organic ice she has to feed of the “life force” or body warmth in simple to keep alive. And who do you think has the “hottest” body? Firestorm! Of course. Cue love interest and the greatest Easter egg.

4. Ferris air field

The friendship between Barry Allen and Hal Jordan (green lantern) is legendary in the new 52 and not giving him a shout-out would be a sin. Too bad they can’t bring in the Green lantern but instead they give him a subtle nod by making Barry to train at the Ferris airfield, the work place of Hal Jordan.

5. S.T.A.R Labs

Or as I like calling it Blackhole labs: because it is an unescapable disaster in the DCU. Star labs has been owned by almost everybody from The government: that supported project like Cadmus(cloning of super heroes) Project Batman Beyond(a successful project that lead to the birth of terry McGinnis) A-mazo and B-mazo and eventually Cyborg(Vic Stone).Star labs is also the home of the red room the world’s largest collection of weapons All the greatest scientist in the D.C universe have ever worked here including T.O.Morrow, Professor Ivo, Will Magnus and Silas stone

6. Batman

You should all know this was the original inspiration for this list, I just wanted to see a batman easter egg and if they didn’t have one I would have fabricated one. Because he’s batman.

Note:the geek trinity does not fabricate points this is just the writer being over dramatic

The first mention of batman is in the newspaper owned by Dr.wells where there is mention of a merger between queen consolidated and wayne enterprises in the year 2024 a subtle nod to them being friends. The second one is easy to miss but it shows how much the writers are sticking to the source material. Dr wells speaks about Batman and says how he is carrying out a dark reckoning on his city “a brutal violent vision of justice”. First a small break so that all the batman fans can clean the nerd jizz of themselves. All done? Good. In the D.C universe Batman is not loved with minimal sightings and propaganda he is more feared than anything else and flash is supposed to be the polar opposite. He is a vision of hope “The people’s hero” if you may and if they continue on this path of making the flash exactly what he is(not a batman knock-off like arrow) 

    7.  Fox river/ The rogues

 So this is me assuming everybody loved Prison break and if you didn't either (a) you're a lier or .... no there is no other reason. Moving on three of the original cast of prison break Wentworth Miller, Dominic Purcell and Robert Knepper. and although only two of them are onfiremd members of the rogues it wouldnt be too bad to see the old gang back together

It g ma.

 

7 Hardest Hitters in the Kenyan Geek industries

As a person who is very hard to please I’m not easily impressed by most industries even the gaming and comic industry

The Curious Shoe:Then if you don’t like them why do you have a whole blog dedicated to them o_0?

Because I still love the medium. However, once in a while there a few companies/individuals who even I can’t deny have done a good job. So today we take a moment to appreciate these few individuals who are not complete Muppets and are hard at work making the greatest country in the world (lol) a powerhouse in the gaming industry.(For links click the logos)

1. Chief Nyamweya- Illustrator, author & Producer.

Co-founder of the Tsunami Studios Ltd and head Honcho at Emergency web comics the chief has gained fame for his success in the critically acclaimed comics that tell the story of the Mau-Mau Uprising. A self-made man whose only passion is Creating “Not just art but creations of all sorts…”.He is also creator of the noir comic “Roba”. The prolific writer also likes sharing his art on his Facebook so if you want a benchmark of his skill why not check it out. Or you could as well read the newest installment to the emergency series.

2. ScrinArts Studios- game development studio

Founded by one Kennedy Okiya this group has been promising us big things for years, teasing us with their two top projects LUR and Zombie Apocalypse.  Although the small team has been facing an array of challenges in terms of development of their game that has led to them not to be able to finish any of their games in their desired timeline, they have officially released a statement saying that their making drastic changes in their development team. Don’t however misinterpret this as a failure on their part because the quality of games they are aiming at and showcased at conventions are something worth waiting years for. Don’t believe me why not check out their booth this Naiccon and tell me otherwise.

3. Movie Jabber – Movies (duh!), fun and excitement

One of the most famous if not the most famous group known they deliver everything they promise: movies and jabber about movies (mixed in with a dash of fun and a side of excitement). Starting off with a mission to revamp and nurture the Kenyan film entertainment scene they have become a brand with their YouTube channel raking in new subscribers every day and their website growing even more with ever increasing content. I have no shame saying since I tend to stick to games and comics this is my one stop source for everything movies so why not give them a look.

4. Gaming for Kenya (G4k) – Entertainment service

First I have to say this was a really tough decision to make with groups like Game Over, KGN and more I felt kind of bad not giving you guys a shout out so…Shout out to you guys. Popularly known as G4k this Mish-Mash of geeks, nerds, gamers, Youtubers, bloggers, enthusiasts and straight-out weirdoes is single handedly leading this new cultural wave with each member bring in something new to the table every minute. With a vision to build and re-invent the gaming industry in kenya they are currently one of the friendliest gaming communities providing help through any medium possible. They also own the gaming news and lifestyle blog Sourc3Machin3 which is updated periodically by Editors and game lovers James Karanu, Oliver Holding and Gathemia Michael.

5. The Naiccon Team –Everything they’ve done

I always feel like a sellout when I see something done by this team reason being they are the few people who are doing all this for the people. They are people that took the first step into making this the best event in world getting partnership with companies to attend the event and much more in fact what are you doing reading this show them respect and go get ready for the next one.

6. PBE Productions ltd- artist and artist

If you know this great man you probably either know him for his great head-bobbin’, toe-tappin’ thought provocative music or you know of his great art in his comic Home guard or his collaborator work with Dj Nruff. Mr. Emmanuel “Point Blank Evumbi” Nyakwada considers himself a patron of the arts in every sense of the word. Having had a hand in many projects including the infamous Tinga Tinga tales we know this dog is not all bark.Apart from all his contribution to the comic industry he is also a very prolific MC, so if you miss him at this year’s Naiccon feel free to check out one of the many jamborees he’s at every weekend.

7. All Kenyan gamers- Not being complete Muppets

    To say the truth I had this at the end of the list in case I got too lazy to find a suitable number seven but then the more I thought about it the more I realized this was the perfect number seven. Why? Because all the top six mean nothing without the gamers (not even me) but luckily we can always depend on the Kenyan gamer never to let us down. They will clamor into gaming joints every day, visit ihub to make downloads, network with people  and do everything in their power including spending their last hard coin on games. Also no matter what we do at the end of the day everyone is an end user thus a member of this group so thank you for making the industry what it is.

Also I’m planning to start interviews with some of these individuals so as to get more information and clarifications about them and their works so keep an eye out for them starting very soon and comment who you want me to start with.

It g ma. It g ma, Uri ga Ichiba

7 EXTREMELY Easy costumes ideas

With the most anticipated event in the East and central African -and probably also north and western Africa- gaming scene coming up in less than a week one word is on the lips of every gamer in town. Costumes! Yes the time has come ladies and gentlemen for the geeks and nerds to have an excuse to don the attires of their favorite fictional characters as they convene to heaven on earth for one day. With the grapevine buzzing this year with big things coming from local companies like ScrinArts studios, PBE Productions, Kenya Noir Studios Ltd and more you will be a fool to miss out in this year’s edition. If however you “never knew when it was”(translation: you’re  just a lazy bum) or you didn’t have the time  then you probably have no costume then worry not for here are 7 easy and cool costumes you could put together with little or no effort.

Disclaimer: this list should not be taken too seriously if you want very legit costume try Birdie Costumes 

Professor Chaos- South Park stick of truth

Napoleon more commonly known as Butters is one of the greatest characters in south Park history. Originally brought on to replace Kenny he made such a name for himself that he gave himself another name, Professor Chaos. The get up is probably one of the easiest with drapes being used as his cloak and foil for helmets and gloves. If you want to recreate this costume authentically you might use foil but if you’re one of those people that care about opinions why not experiment with more sturdy materials.

Carl Johnson – Grand theft Auto San Andreas

One of the most iconic characters with one of the simplest laid back attire; white vest and blue jeans. And since San Andreas allowed you to change your body type there is no “right body type”.  You don’t have to stick to San andreas since all the other GTA protagonist have signature attires that I’m sure you can get at any shop.

Wizards- Various

Whether its inspired by Dumbledore Gandalf or any other of the generic RPG brands wizards are kind of easy to dress up as (Note this is a lazy man’s instructions so if you expect me to tell you how to dress exactly lie Dumbledore you’re in the wrong place Buddy) all you need is a staff and a robe you can also add a beard if you wish. Personally I trust my skills enough to sew a piece of material to look like a robe but if you can’t tailors and materials are cheap and readily available.

Two face Harvey- Batman

The only costume in the list that might need you to put on make-up if you want to get that 100% authentic feel however if you don’t just get a suit and make the left half to look tattered (extra points if you actually burn it). If destroying a perfectly good suit isn’t something in you agenda you can always put on a bow-tie and carry an umbrella and Rambo-bambo-boom your Oswald Cobble pot.

The First Spiderman costume- Spider-man (movies)

We all dream of dressing up one day as the Spiderman but unfortunately not all of us have the resources or right looks to rock a blue and red spandex costume. Fortunately Spiderman is always making an earlier version of his suit for us fashion conscious geeks. The choice of which one to use is up to you but the easier one would be the Andrew griffin one: casual clothes and a mask made from a cheap red material and old Sunglasses. 

Storm- X-MEN

Let me just say personally I will feel particularly bad if there will be no Storm costume for every Naiccon or Kenyan costume based event I mean in the marvel universe she is the Queen of Kenya. Queen. We should appreciate her more or we might get Askari the spear instead. In fact if I didn’t have a personal Vendetta against weaves I would have gotten a white one added bit of materials to a black top and leggings and voila, Storm.  

An extra- [any movie/game/comic of your choice]

This ladies and gentlemen has to be the most lackluster costume idea I have ever gotten in history. It’s so lazy I feel it should definitely be considered a life hack. Just put on random clothes and tell everybody you are that guy in the background in that movie. Or you could borrow your friend’s clothes and go as him or her.

I feel like at this point I should apologies to all my female readers that there isn’t enough costumes for you guys but next time this list will definitely feature more for you.  Anyway those are my easy costumes if you have any more why not share them in the comments

It g ma.

fan service #1: Disney creepy pastas

Fan service is basically something creators put in their work that is unrelated to the work but they put them in to “make the fans happier”.9 times out of 10 fan service is mostly the oversized boobs in manga but unfortunately this blogger neither has boobs nor the skill to draw all men’s dreams so instead whenever I get the chance to write on a topic requested by you I will.

The most read article on my blog is one about Cartoons and the theories behind them So it isn’t shocking when once or twice I receive negative backlash from it but fortunately it also brings in some positive feedback such was the case when long time reader Ill-pool asked for more childhood ruining stories but this time he added the catch that they should be based on facts not fan theories.

Challenge accepted!

So ladies and gentlemen I feel bad for ruining your childhoods again but here are 7 fairytales before Disney changed them

1. Cinderella

Disney channel is known for great cartoons, making Marvel do whatever they want and the occasional child star that loses their mind.one of the great things they do and don’t get enough credit for is making their stories “child-friendly” as was the case was with Cinderella. One of the older versions of Cinderella when the prince comes looking for the her the step mother convinces her older daughter to cut off her big toe so as to fit into the slipper since once she is queen there would be no reason to go anywhere on foot.

Unfortunately while going back to the castle the bleeding was noticed and the older step sister was returned home where her younger sister was given a chance. She too couldn’t fit into the slipper and also cut off her big toe but once again on the way to the castle the bleeding was noticed and she too was returned home.

Finally Cinderella and the prince are united, yaay!

 2. Sleeping Beauty

We’ve all seen those pictures of people pretending to be photographed by their “SO” only to be exposed by a reflection or shadow this embarrassingly reveals the influence this story has had on most of us. Unfortunately some of the earlier writers of the story were more pessimistic.

When he can’t wake sleeping beauty the king, note originally not a prince, decides to take advantage of the situation and rapes her. This also fails to wake her and she gets pregnant. Although in some stories she is woken up by the pain of child birth while in others it’s her child blindly sucking on her finger but both have the light side that at least she had twins.

3. The little Mermaid

In some of original version of this story the little mermaid traded her voice for legs something described as “walking on two swords…” in order to go and marry the prince.Unfortunately, the prince falls in love and marries another girl whom she mistakes for the mermaid. The mermaids sisters all cut off their hair and trade it for a way to get her changed back and their given a dagger that she must use to kill the prince.

But still in love with the prince she is unable to do so and she eventually turns to sea foam.

4. Snow white and the seven Dwarves

“Oh magic mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?” I may not be a magic mirror but the answer is most definitely YOU! Let’s hope then you won’t have the same fate as snow white though because once the evil queen found out she tried to kill her 3 times. After she finds out that she is leaving with dwarves in the forest she tries to make her kill herself. At first she laces her bonnet too tight. The second attempt was combing her hair with a poisoned comb (fairytale logic at its best) and finally the apple. No true loves kiss here kiddies but when the prince finds the dwarves and snow white he wants to take her away because “he has fallen in love with her dead body inside the glass coffin”  *cough*weirdo*cough*

When the coffin is being carried away it falls and the piece of apple in her throat gets dislodged and she and the prince fall in love…when what the queen has done is found out she is forced to wear hot metal shoes and dance until she dies.

5. Little Red Riding Hood

Personally I have always thought that Red is the most retarded character in history if a wolf(that she met only moments before) in her grand mas clothes was able to fool her but then I made the mistake of reading the oldest version of her story. Early spoiler: this story does not contain the huntsman and with that being said the faint of heart may want to skip this one.

When the wolf arrives at grandma’s house he kills her and skins hers wearing her skin as a disguise. Am betting now all those retarded questions she asks make more sense, aye? In certain versions the wolf even tricks red into eating a pot of her own dead grandmother. Luckily somewhere down the road some writer decided to take away the wolves ability to chew and added in the hunts man so the story became: the wolf ate them both up and…you know the rest

Moral of the story: if grandma suddenly has big eyes and a big nose put her down.

6. Hansel and Gretel

This story on its own is already creepy pasta and I was kind of surprised it could get darker. Originally based on a French story called the lost children the parents of the two children decide to “misplace” them in the dark forest because they were greedy. They find a red house and a woman who takes them in but tells them that they should not make any noise otherwise her husband will eat them.

The kids do make noise and the husband, who by the way it turns out to be the DEVIL! , finds them and he wants to eat them. He builds a saw-horse to bleed the children on but they pretend not to know how to get on it. When the wife gets on to demonstrate they slit her throat took the devils money and ran. They eventually cross a river which the devil is unable to do. They then go home with the money to take care of their parents.

Moral of the story: Don’t beat your kids…just leave them in a dark forest

7. The three little pigs.

Personally this has been one of the most difficult articles I’ve ever written since it’s a challenge to mask my love for this original tales for fear you might think I’m malevolent. Except for this one tale whose potential was stripped from it when it was reimagined to make it more “kid friendly”.

After the big bad bully wolf huffs and puffs down the house made of hay and sticks the three pigs are hidden inside the third house. He tries and tries but he is unable to blow it down he then decides to Santa clause it and uses a chimney to get inside. The pigs were however expecting him and have placed a boiling pot on the fireplace. The wolf is trapped in the pot and cooked alive the pigs then celebrate by eating him. Yeah didn’t even make that one up.

Moral of the story: don’t bully kids

Also sorry for the inconsistent posting soon this blog will go back to at least 2 posts per week so watch this space.

The Most WTF Weapons in Games

Of late I have been playing alot of Skyrim and I came across a Weapon that left me like "What?" and so I decide to share with you guys a list of some weapons That left us speechless.

The Rules for this one is that no Mods only weapons that are in put in the game by the producers.
Also one weapon per Franchise because otherwise this would be a list of weapons from Saints row

1.Wabbajack-Elder Scroll V:Skyrim
This has to be my all time favourite weapon from skyrim because although visually it has nothing to offer it does pack a very funny punch.

Gotten from Sheogorath the Daedric Prince of Madness this weapon does need some hustle to get it literally not figuratively requires you to go into the mind of  Pelagius and fight of his inner demons in Puzzle like games while Sheogorath watches your only weapon being The Wabbajack.The Crazy comes in that the wabbajack casts any random spell it want from turning you enemy into a crab, sweet roll,bread,invisible or spawning a Dremora to fight for either of you Healing your enemy and a barrage of random destruction spells to mention just a few.

The best part of the wabbajack is the Madwoman.Through out the quest its obvious the whole misson is an Alice in Wonderland Easter egg since you find  Sheogorath looking like the mad hatter having a tea party in the middle of nowhere so when the madwoman started following me everywhere in skyrim shouting Wabbajack Wabbajack and demanding you use it on her I almost cried when it turned her into a White rabbit.So if you want to Test out the Wabbajack it can be found in the Quest The Mind of Madness  or through the console command coc qasmoke

2.Penetrator-Saints Row
I had a really "hard" time choosing which weapon was the Wackiest in saints row and i had narrowed it down to the penetrator and the Dubstep gun but at the end of the day i had to go for the one I had to look up with safe search on.

let me make it clear i feel dirty even talking about this one.People have always said the dildo was originally from Grand Theft auto and personally thats where i first saw it but i didnt even notice what it was being a child but Saints Row took it a step further with every detail being taken into account even the veins and...no this is too much for me. Its a giant dildo and thats all i have to say about that.

3.Cosplayers-Dead Rising 
Dead rising is that type of game i just came to accept it with all it weirdness its the type of game i was sure would never give me anything that would surprise me anymore and not gonna lie it was a really good game.That was until I played Super Ultra Dead Rising 3 

This time round the game gave more character options in the form of costumes.unfortunately,some of this included female costumes for males so we  had the chance to see some crazy stuff.

4. Cluckshot:Gears of War 3

Gears of war has a lot of chicken related Easter eggs but this one has a twist to it.It involves you starting the game at its hardest setting  and letting the first few ammo crates to drop down into nothing Eventually,a Flying-chicken-robot-Ammo crate-Thing? Trust me you'll know it when it shows up, the first time it shows up and leaves without helping.Play on a bit and you’ll be out gunned but the chicken-thingy?(trust me this isn’t the weirdest part yet) and drop you a gun that shoots chickens  dubbed the Cluckshot. Very big and effective the cluckshot makes easy work of the locust and rest off the game egg-citing.

5.Happy bubble Blaster-Just Cause

With Just cause 3 around the corner I went back to this game filled with high action skydiving and stunts.its locaton is a desert-themed tower in the middle of a collection of blooming trees at X:4245 m; Y:25980 m. The trees around it are pink. Those same trees can also be seen in the Agency mission Into the Den. If the top of the tower is destroyed, the table that the gun was sitting on will float in the air. You can get it more than one time. 

 when I got to this point I bet the person who had told me was a troll and this gun was probably like the cricket from M.I.B so I stepped outside to shoot it but…it Really is just a bubble gun.

6.Mr.Toots-Red Faction:Armsgeddon

 Mr toots is a weapon that can be obtained in Red faction either by finishing the game once or through a little Easter egg earlier on in the game.Mr.Toots however is actually a small unicorn who shoots rainbow like lasers from his butt and from the expression on his face we don’t bet he likes it.

A very effectevice weapon nonetheless  he uses ammo from the laser so if you buy infinite ammo for it you can get him and see his pained expression as much a you want to.

7.Mokap-Mortal Kombat

This Motion capture guy with a vast array of martial arts skill is a perfect example of wrong place at the wrong time so says his bio card in Mortal Kombat bio cards the game leaves out the part of how a simple bystanders developed physic powers from his motion capture enough to even defeat blaze I mean 0_o

However those were my 7 that made me surprised the most in games why don’t you  tell me yours in the comments

How To become a Geek

Picture this scene you’re hanging out with your mates and they are wittering on about Master chief  the merits of Starwars the force unleashed and Lara Croft’s impact on pop culture. Then one of them turns and asks for your opinion. Everyone falls quiet as they await your choice words of wisdom. You have two options: you can either say “I need new friends” and leave, or try to hit back with some searing insights into gaming

Because here at Geek Trinity we are those guys that Witter on about games for hours even when we aren’t supposed to, we’d naturally go for the second option. Honest. And if you’re reading this hardcore gamer blog, I must suspect you might want to as well. The trouble is that becoming truly knowledgeable about all things to do with gaming takes a lot of effort-hours hunched over books (lol) and the internet, playing software endlessly and developing dark rings under your eyes from looking at monitors for too    long. To help you jump the queue to enlightenment though, I’ve put together some handy tips, info and advice on how to stand head and shoulders (and possibly navel) above your gaming comrades when it comes to games buffery (not sure if this is a real word)

1.     How big is big enough?

Relax! I’m talking about the size of your game library. Although it’s not a necessity to have all the games in the world it never hurts to wow friends and foe alike with your mother lode of games. And don’t worry am sure people won’t think your compensating XD.

Game stores can offer great offers on games allowing for gamers to pick up pre-owned games at low prices. If you are decent and would forego the clutter of Game cases there online stores not only for Pc but also the consoles and they offer way lower prices.

2.     News, reviews, playthroughs and everything in between

If you want to know what a developer is planning for your next game or you want to see if a game is worth buying then you should check out sites like IGN and Sourc3 Machin3.Early on I would have sent you over to Cheat desk or Cheat cc after this for those lazy bums but unfortunately with the rise of the Online multiplayer use of cheats have been on a steady decline. Compared to GTA V San Andreas was Cheat-a-palozza.

Although you won’t be buying cheat books you will spend a lot of time checking up Console commands for games like Minecraft and Skyrim

3. Attend Every-Con

This has to be the ultimate Kudos-grabber for any wannabe games buff-a visit to some of the biggest game shows on earth. While other talk about their trip to some sub-par event, you can bang on about Nai-con or how you destroyed people at a tournament.

Such shows let you learn about upcoming games and provide you with a chance to talk to game devs to learn more about your favorite game. For those lucky enough to be able to globe-trot there millions of shows worldwide including the infamous E3, PAX, RTAx and many more. And on that note I would like to remind you lovely people that this year’s Nai-con has been announced check event section for details and links.    

4. Keep your eye on Reddit

The reddit is an entertainment, social networking service and news website where community members can submit content such as text post or direct links. Not known too many probably since it require a membership fee www.reddit.com has for years claimed to be ‘the front page of the internet” and they might not be wrong.

Reddit has some of the most dedicated fans in their “subreddits’ and they update latest news and information and have very geeky forums. An example of how obsessed redditors are: when BmVagabond’s gamer tag was changed it took less than 5 minutes for the Rooster teeth sub-reddit to blow up. Redditors aren’t exactly the nicest people around but it’s not like you can’t meet a few mates worth going to the pub with there.

5. Know your retro gaming

Ah bless! You really miss playing Mario and Contra or you just want to sound like you have been playing games since you were shaped like something resembling a fetus. Either way it’s always nice to have a little history to show your devotion.

Since I’m such a good guy here are some good retro games to start you off:

• ·         Starwars: Knights of the old republic I & II
• ·         Deus ex  
• ·         The Sims
• ·         Half-life
• ·         Duke nukem
• ·         Delta force
• ·         Resident evil IV

6. Youtubers and streamers

Twitch.tv is the next level in entertainment. Formerly Justin.tv twitch has thousands of Streamers from all over the world playing every game possible on all consoles and pc each with his or her own personalized style. Twitch has a chat for each streamer that allows for a seamless conversation allowing one to interact and be able to help them and feel part of the experience. Twitch especially comes in handy for launch titles you can’t get personally. A few good streamers that could interest you include the young Nigerian Prince Master Zedx for a complete comedic approach at gaming, you could join Official COD streamer TfCarbon as he plays with his fans and bets his virtual currency dubbed “cookies” with his chat. If you prefer a jolly laugh mixed in with some of the amazing GTA gameplay join Lm8Gaming or Ladymiss80’s for the time of your life.

The major disadvantage with Twitch is that it is live so you can’t really use it to look up something particular but luckily the Youtubers have our backs covered with Gatman providing you with the greatest gameplay a geek could ask for. For your entire comic needs be sure to check out Justanerd at IWatchStuff. There also a lot of channels without verification but bring amazing indie games like Nerd³.

7. Read up on some trivia

So you know your games – the cheats, the secrets, the best strategies – but to really impress, it’s best to go along to any gaming conversation armed with some nice juicy but fundamentally useless trivia to dazzle your mates with. Here are a few choice facts plucked from the world of gaming…

• ·         The first game to cause controversy wasn’t a gore fest like Carmageddon – in fact, it was the humble arcade machine Space Invaders which raised heckles on its arrival in the UK many moons ago. A bunch of hysterical MPs decided to call for a blanket ban on the arcade machine, claiming that it would cause youngsters to become addicted to the game, make them skive off from school and, of course, go on a crime spree. Naturally.
• ·         GTA V broke sales record on 17^th September 2013 becoming the fastest-selling entertainment product in history, earning US$800 million in its first day and US$1 billion in its first three days.
• ·         Back in 1996, a psychologist claimed that having a quick game on Doom could boost resistance to infection because the number of antibodies found in the player’s saliva rose for up to half an hour after having a blast on the top title. While gamers all over imagined playing games all night and being super-healthy because of it, it was pointed out that levels of antibodies quickly returned to normal after playing…
• ·         Sony’s PlayStation was originally planned as a CD-ROM add-on for Super Nintendo.
• ·         Before Leon fought for his life in the European villages of Resident Evil 4, Capcom created four different versions of the title. One of the scrapped versions eventually found life as another popular Capcom franchise – Devil May Cry
• ·         Remember the PlayStation 2’s startup screen? The one with the uneven white towers? Those towers actually represent games – the ps2 reads the memory cards and based on the save data, populates the screen accordingly.
• ·         The Name Noob Saibot from Mortal Kombat is actually the names Tobias and Boon spelled backwards

So Young Padawan may the force be with you on your journey to becoming the ultimate geek

IDHD #1

You’re trying to do something meaningful on the internet. A few minutes later, you find yourself watching a video on how to shave a giraffe. Sound familiar? Most of you can relate. Sometimes when looking up things to write about I’ll find super random sh* that is so awesome, but is not in line with what I have planned for my next post. Seeing as my readers are the bestest, most loyal readers ever, (bonus points for sucking up?) keeping this stuff to myself would be, in every sense of the word, unjust. I thought to myself, and decided it wouldn’t be a bad idea to write about this stuff once in a while. You know, to break the monotony. That being said, I shall now launch, IN ALL ITS GLORY, a new periodical section:

                        

Internet Deficit Hyperlinking Disorder

Definition: {noun} a condition describing an internet user’s strong tendency to follow random links, fearing the entire internet will cease to exist overnight. As a result, said user will want to see everything on the internet, oblivious to the fact that this is impossible.

This trip starts off with the question: Are there any African Superheroes? Obviously, the answer is yes, but when looking at the list, one guy stood out. This was:

1. Askari The Spear

Jono Baraka is a character in the comic Excalibur, and is simply known as the “Protector of Zanzibar”, able to wield the power of Mother Africa. I think the thing that makes this hero shine more is that his color palette is actually of the Kenyan flag (his neighboring country). Apart from that, he’s a member of Mutants Without Borders (yes, that exists) and is the president of Zanzibar. Ladies, I believe you have found the full package. He’s a really cool character that should be expounded on.

All this talk about superheroes made me question the word superhero itself, so I looked it up… and I found out that:

2. Marvel and D.C jointly “own” the word Superhero

I’m not a law expert, but the way it works, I believe, is that the two have rights over the word superhero. Super hero, super-hero and any other alteration/ combination of the words, should other people try to use it, will result in a cease and desist letter from the two giant companies. This explains why a lot of shows use words like ‘Heroes’, ‘Alphas’, and ‘Metahumans’.

Comics and the law. Two things that you never really think about in the same sentence.

 What else might comics get mixed in with, you ask. Well, comics plus music gives us:

3. Eminem VS The Punisher

It’s not like we could have heard him through the pages, but Marshal Bruce Mathers III somehow inked a deal that saw him work with The punisher himself, a.k.a Frank Castle. One of the less known crossovers, it was originally supposed to be a one off with two episodes, but was later shortened to one copy which was dubbed "Kill You". Sadly, I have had a hard time getting a copy. I couldn’t even find a torrent. Although I can’t really give it a thumbs up or down, I will say that it features Eminem and The Punisher so it must be good.

                           

I told a hip-hop-head friend of mine about this crossover and the prospect of undiscovered Eminem material made him scream like a little girl. That not so well thought out segue brings us to number four:

4. Women that voice famous anime characters

This list pays tribute to the likes of Megumi Oata who are women that have brought forth legendary characters such as Petz and Haruka Tenoh from Sailor Moon R and S respectively. Other characters voiced by females include Monkey D Luffy from One Piece, Naruto Uzumaki from Naruto, Edward Elric from Fullmetal Alchemist, Tōshirō Hitsugaya from Bleach, Lelouch Vi Britannia form Code Geass and for the non-anime fans there is Bart Simpsons from The Simpsons and Phillip J Fry II from Futurama.

All this comic-talk reminds me of a funny anime related story. Did you know that:

5. Batman Reads Anime

Well, it’s implied. The Martian Manhunter has been known to go by quite a number of aliases, but one stood out most when he revealed his (rather, her) name, and it shocked us even more when Batman recognized it. Maybe we shouldn’t have been so shocked. He is, after all, the world’s GREATEST detective. Right?

So anyway, J’onn J’onzz had been using the alias Hino Rei. Ring a bell? Maybe for the watchers of Sailor moon it does. On that show, Hino Rei is the Protector of Mars.

Her connection to Mars clearly shows why J’onn picked it and Batman (obviously) recognized it because knows everything, but at this point, am I the only one wondering what other things exist in the DC universe? More specifically, what other things exist in the DC universe stores? Does Batman read detective comics? Does he read about himself?

All this inception sh* drove me up the wall. I was overthinking everything. 

This brings me to a classic case of collective internet overthinking:

6. Valve and their hate for threes

In an industry where you’re horrible, good or loved, Valve is one company that has always stood out at being both good and loved. One of the main reasons for their success is the excellent stewardship of the company by their millionaire, sorry, billionaire founder Gabe Newell. Gabe is an interesting man, and there’s something about him and the number three.

 He seems to avoid it, which is ironic seeing as he was born on November the 3^rd. He would later drop out of Harvard to help form Microsoft where he worked on Windows, Windows 2 and Windows 2.1 (no 3?). He went on to start Valve and his company picked his old habits, and none of their games have a third installment except  counterstrike but they only developed two of them.

Maybe he should have just combined each to form one… Like so:

7. PS4 and Xbox One combined into one gaming laptop

So… self-taught (why am I even in school if people are teaching themselves this stuff?) engineer Eddie Zarick is having a regular day. Then, he receives a request from a fan for a PS4 and Xbox One hybrid. “Coming right up,” Zarick says, and creates the ‘Playbox’. Unfortunately, those who actually give a damn about performance have nothing to be excited about since both consoles maintain their individuality, with only one being able to work on the attached 22-inch screen at a time. I would say the main advantage to this thing is that you can set up and play without a TV, as you would normally need for a console. Maybe that kind of portability is something that console gamers can appreciate. The machine needs one power cord and the active console can be chosen by flipping a red button at the back. So…1 Peasant box + 1 Peasant box = Still 1 Peasant box?

Aaaaaaaaaand… that’s all I had for this post. Sound off in the comments below. I encourage it.

 it g ma