Fan service is basically something creators put in their
work that is unrelated to the work but they put them in to “make the fans
happier”.9 times out of 10 fan service is mostly the oversized boobs in manga
but unfortunately this blogger neither has boobs nor the skill to draw all men’s
dreams so instead whenever I get the chance to write on a topic requested by
you I will.
The most read article on my blog is one about Cartoons and
the theories behind them So it isn’t shocking when once or twice I receive
negative backlash from it but fortunately it also brings in some positive
feedback such was the case when long time reader Ill-pool asked for more childhood ruining stories but this time he
added the catch that they should be based on facts not fan theories.
Challenge accepted!
So ladies and gentlemen I feel bad for ruining your
childhoods again but here are 7 fairytales before Disney changed them
1. Cinderella
Disney channel is known for great cartoons, making Marvel do
whatever they want and the occasional child star that loses their mind.one of
the great things they do and don’t get enough credit for is making their
stories “child-friendly” as was the case was with Cinderella. One of the older
versions of Cinderella when the prince comes looking for the her the step
mother convinces her older daughter to cut off her big toe so as to fit into
the slipper since once she is queen there would be no reason to go anywhere on
foot.
Unfortunately while going back to the castle the bleeding
was noticed and the older step sister was returned home where her younger sister
was given a chance. She too couldn’t fit into the slipper and also cut off her
big toe but once again on the way to the castle the bleeding was noticed and
she too was returned home.
Finally Cinderella and the prince are united, yaay!
2. Sleeping Beauty
We’ve all seen those pictures of people pretending to be
photographed by their “SO” only to be exposed by a reflection or shadow this
embarrassingly reveals the influence this story has had on most of us. Unfortunately
some of the earlier writers of the story were more pessimistic.
When he can’t wake sleeping beauty the king, note originally
not a prince, decides to take advantage of the situation and rapes her. This
also fails to wake her and she gets pregnant. Although in some stories she is
woken up by the pain of child birth while in others it’s her child blindly
sucking on her finger but both have the light side that at least she had twins.
3. The little Mermaid
In some of original version of this story the little mermaid
traded her voice for legs something described as “walking on two swords…” in
order to go and marry the prince.Unfortunately, the prince falls in love and
marries another girl whom she mistakes for the mermaid. The mermaids sisters
all cut off their hair and trade it for a way to get her changed back and their
given a dagger that she must use to kill the prince.
But still in love with the prince she is unable to do so and
she eventually turns to sea foam.
4. Snow white and the seven Dwarves
“Oh magic mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them
all?” I may not be a magic mirror but the answer is most definitely YOU! Let’s
hope then you won’t have the same fate as snow white though because once the
evil queen found out she tried to kill her 3 times. After she finds out that
she is leaving with dwarves in the forest she tries to make her kill herself.
At first she laces her bonnet too tight. The second attempt was combing her
hair with a poisoned comb (fairytale logic at its best) and finally the apple.
No true loves kiss here kiddies but when the prince finds the dwarves and snow
white he wants to take her away because “he has fallen in love with her dead
body inside the glass coffin” *cough*weirdo*cough*
When the coffin is being carried away it falls and the piece
of apple in her throat gets dislodged and she and the prince fall in love…when
what the queen has done is found out she is forced to wear hot metal shoes and
dance until she dies.
5. Little Red Riding Hood
Personally I have always thought that Red is the most
retarded character in history if a wolf(that she met only moments before) in
her grand mas clothes was able to fool her but then I made the mistake of
reading the oldest version of her story. Early spoiler: this story does not
contain the huntsman and with that being said the faint of heart may want to
skip this one.
When the wolf arrives at grandma’s house he kills her and
skins hers wearing her skin as a disguise. Am betting now all those retarded
questions she asks make more sense, aye? In certain versions the wolf even
tricks red into eating a pot of her own dead grandmother. Luckily somewhere
down the road some writer decided to take away the wolves ability to chew and
added in the hunts man so the story became: the wolf ate them both up and…you
know the rest
Moral of the story: if grandma suddenly has big eyes and a
big nose put her down.
6. Hansel and Gretel
This story on its own is already creepy pasta and I was kind
of surprised it could get darker. Originally based on a French story called the lost children the parents of the two
children decide to “misplace” them in the dark forest because they were greedy.
They find a red house and a woman who takes them in but tells them that they
should not make any noise otherwise her husband will eat them.
The kids do make noise and the husband, who by the way it
turns out to be the DEVIL! , finds them and he wants to eat them. He builds a
saw-horse to bleed the children on but they pretend not to know how to get on
it. When the wife gets on to demonstrate they slit her throat took the devils
money and ran. They eventually cross a river which the devil is unable to do. They
then go home with the money to take care of their parents.
Moral of the story: Don’t beat your kids…just leave them in
a dark forest
7. The three little pigs.
Personally this has been one of the most difficult articles I’ve
ever written since it’s a challenge to mask my love for this original tales for
fear you might think I’m malevolent. Except for this one tale whose potential
was stripped from it when it was reimagined to make it more “kid friendly”.
After the big bad bully wolf huffs and puffs down the house
made of hay and sticks the three pigs are hidden inside the third house. He
tries and tries but he is unable to blow it down he then decides to Santa
clause it and uses a chimney to get inside. The pigs were however expecting him
and have placed a boiling pot on the fireplace. The wolf is trapped in the pot
and cooked alive the pigs then celebrate by eating him. Yeah didn’t even make
that one up.
Moral of the story: don’t bully kids
Also sorry for the inconsistent posting soon this blog will
go back to at least 2 posts per week so watch this space.
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