fan service #1: Disney creepy pastas

Fan service is basically something creators put in their work that is unrelated to the work but they put them in to “make the fans happier”.9 times out of 10 fan service is mostly the oversized boobs in manga but unfortunately this blogger neither has boobs nor the skill to draw all men’s dreams so instead whenever I get the chance to write on a topic requested by you I will.

The most read article on my blog is one about Cartoons and the theories behind them So it isn’t shocking when once or twice I receive negative backlash from it but fortunately it also brings in some positive feedback such was the case when long time reader Ill-pool asked for more childhood ruining stories but this time he added the catch that they should be based on facts not fan theories.

Challenge accepted!

So ladies and gentlemen I feel bad for ruining your childhoods again but here are 7 fairytales before Disney changed them

1. Cinderella

Disney channel is known for great cartoons, making Marvel do whatever they want and the occasional child star that loses their mind.one of the great things they do and don’t get enough credit for is making their stories “child-friendly” as was the case was with Cinderella. One of the older versions of Cinderella when the prince comes looking for the her the step mother convinces her older daughter to cut off her big toe so as to fit into the slipper since once she is queen there would be no reason to go anywhere on foot.

Unfortunately while going back to the castle the bleeding was noticed and the older step sister was returned home where her younger sister was given a chance. She too couldn’t fit into the slipper and also cut off her big toe but once again on the way to the castle the bleeding was noticed and she too was returned home.

Finally Cinderella and the prince are united, yaay!

 2. Sleeping Beauty

We’ve all seen those pictures of people pretending to be photographed by their “SO” only to be exposed by a reflection or shadow this embarrassingly reveals the influence this story has had on most of us. Unfortunately some of the earlier writers of the story were more pessimistic.

When he can’t wake sleeping beauty the king, note originally not a prince, decides to take advantage of the situation and rapes her. This also fails to wake her and she gets pregnant. Although in some stories she is woken up by the pain of child birth while in others it’s her child blindly sucking on her finger but both have the light side that at least she had twins.

3. The little Mermaid

In some of original version of this story the little mermaid traded her voice for legs something described as “walking on two swords…” in order to go and marry the prince.Unfortunately, the prince falls in love and marries another girl whom she mistakes for the mermaid. The mermaids sisters all cut off their hair and trade it for a way to get her changed back and their given a dagger that she must use to kill the prince.

But still in love with the prince she is unable to do so and she eventually turns to sea foam.

4. Snow white and the seven Dwarves

“Oh magic mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?” I may not be a magic mirror but the answer is most definitely YOU! Let’s hope then you won’t have the same fate as snow white though because once the evil queen found out she tried to kill her 3 times. After she finds out that she is leaving with dwarves in the forest she tries to make her kill herself. At first she laces her bonnet too tight. The second attempt was combing her hair with a poisoned comb (fairytale logic at its best) and finally the apple. No true loves kiss here kiddies but when the prince finds the dwarves and snow white he wants to take her away because “he has fallen in love with her dead body inside the glass coffin”  *cough*weirdo*cough*

When the coffin is being carried away it falls and the piece of apple in her throat gets dislodged and she and the prince fall in love…when what the queen has done is found out she is forced to wear hot metal shoes and dance until she dies.

5. Little Red Riding Hood

Personally I have always thought that Red is the most retarded character in history if a wolf(that she met only moments before) in her grand mas clothes was able to fool her but then I made the mistake of reading the oldest version of her story. Early spoiler: this story does not contain the huntsman and with that being said the faint of heart may want to skip this one.

When the wolf arrives at grandma’s house he kills her and skins hers wearing her skin as a disguise. Am betting now all those retarded questions she asks make more sense, aye? In certain versions the wolf even tricks red into eating a pot of her own dead grandmother. Luckily somewhere down the road some writer decided to take away the wolves ability to chew and added in the hunts man so the story became: the wolf ate them both up and…you know the rest

Moral of the story: if grandma suddenly has big eyes and a big nose put her down.

6. Hansel and Gretel

This story on its own is already creepy pasta and I was kind of surprised it could get darker. Originally based on a French story called the lost children the parents of the two children decide to “misplace” them in the dark forest because they were greedy. They find a red house and a woman who takes them in but tells them that they should not make any noise otherwise her husband will eat them.

The kids do make noise and the husband, who by the way it turns out to be the DEVIL! , finds them and he wants to eat them. He builds a saw-horse to bleed the children on but they pretend not to know how to get on it. When the wife gets on to demonstrate they slit her throat took the devils money and ran. They eventually cross a river which the devil is unable to do. They then go home with the money to take care of their parents.

Moral of the story: Don’t beat your kids…just leave them in a dark forest

7. The three little pigs.

Personally this has been one of the most difficult articles I’ve ever written since it’s a challenge to mask my love for this original tales for fear you might think I’m malevolent. Except for this one tale whose potential was stripped from it when it was reimagined to make it more “kid friendly”.

After the big bad bully wolf huffs and puffs down the house made of hay and sticks the three pigs are hidden inside the third house. He tries and tries but he is unable to blow it down he then decides to Santa clause it and uses a chimney to get inside. The pigs were however expecting him and have placed a boiling pot on the fireplace. The wolf is trapped in the pot and cooked alive the pigs then celebrate by eating him. Yeah didn’t even make that one up.

Moral of the story: don’t bully kids

Also sorry for the inconsistent posting soon this blog will go back to at least 2 posts per week so watch this space.

The Most WTF Weapons in Games

Of late I have been playing alot of Skyrim and I came across a Weapon that left me like "What?" and so I decide to share with you guys a list of some weapons That left us speechless.

The Rules for this one is that no Mods only weapons that are in put in the game by the producers.
Also one weapon per Franchise because otherwise this would be a list of weapons from Saints row

1.Wabbajack-Elder Scroll V:Skyrim
This has to be my all time favourite weapon from skyrim because although visually it has nothing to offer it does pack a very funny punch.

Gotten from Sheogorath the Daedric Prince of Madness this weapon does need some hustle to get it literally not figuratively requires you to go into the mind of  Pelagius and fight of his inner demons in Puzzle like games while Sheogorath watches your only weapon being The Wabbajack.The Crazy comes in that the wabbajack casts any random spell it want from turning you enemy into a crab, sweet roll,bread,invisible or spawning a Dremora to fight for either of you Healing your enemy and a barrage of random destruction spells to mention just a few.

The best part of the wabbajack is the Madwoman.Through out the quest its obvious the whole misson is an Alice in Wonderland Easter egg since you find  Sheogorath looking like the mad hatter having a tea party in the middle of nowhere so when the madwoman started following me everywhere in skyrim shouting Wabbajack Wabbajack and demanding you use it on her I almost cried when it turned her into a White rabbit.So if you want to Test out the Wabbajack it can be found in the Quest The Mind of Madness  or through the console command coc qasmoke

2.Penetrator-Saints Row
I had a really "hard" time choosing which weapon was the Wackiest in saints row and i had narrowed it down to the penetrator and the Dubstep gun but at the end of the day i had to go for the one I had to look up with safe search on.

let me make it clear i feel dirty even talking about this one.People have always said the dildo was originally from Grand Theft auto and personally thats where i first saw it but i didnt even notice what it was being a child but Saints Row took it a step further with every detail being taken into account even the veins and...no this is too much for me. Its a giant dildo and thats all i have to say about that.

3.Cosplayers-Dead Rising 
Dead rising is that type of game i just came to accept it with all it weirdness its the type of game i was sure would never give me anything that would surprise me anymore and not gonna lie it was a really good game.That was until I played Super Ultra Dead Rising 3 

This time round the game gave more character options in the form of costumes.unfortunately,some of this included female costumes for males so we  had the chance to see some crazy stuff.

4. Cluckshot:Gears of War 3

Gears of war has a lot of chicken related Easter eggs but this one has a twist to it.It involves you starting the game at its hardest setting  and letting the first few ammo crates to drop down into nothing Eventually,a Flying-chicken-robot-Ammo crate-Thing? Trust me you'll know it when it shows up, the first time it shows up and leaves without helping.Play on a bit and you’ll be out gunned but the chicken-thingy?(trust me this isn’t the weirdest part yet) and drop you a gun that shoots chickens  dubbed the Cluckshot. Very big and effective the cluckshot makes easy work of the locust and rest off the game egg-citing.

5.Happy bubble Blaster-Just Cause

With Just cause 3 around the corner I went back to this game filled with high action skydiving and stunts.its locaton is a desert-themed tower in the middle of a collection of blooming trees at X:4245 m; Y:25980 m. The trees around it are pink. Those same trees can also be seen in the Agency mission Into the Den. If the top of the tower is destroyed, the table that the gun was sitting on will float in the air. You can get it more than one time. 

 when I got to this point I bet the person who had told me was a troll and this gun was probably like the cricket from M.I.B so I stepped outside to shoot it but…it Really is just a bubble gun.

6.Mr.Toots-Red Faction:Armsgeddon

 Mr toots is a weapon that can be obtained in Red faction either by finishing the game once or through a little Easter egg earlier on in the game.Mr.Toots however is actually a small unicorn who shoots rainbow like lasers from his butt and from the expression on his face we don’t bet he likes it.

A very effectevice weapon nonetheless  he uses ammo from the laser so if you buy infinite ammo for it you can get him and see his pained expression as much a you want to.

7.Mokap-Mortal Kombat

This Motion capture guy with a vast array of martial arts skill is a perfect example of wrong place at the wrong time so says his bio card in Mortal Kombat bio cards the game leaves out the part of how a simple bystanders developed physic powers from his motion capture enough to even defeat blaze I mean 0_o

However those were my 7 that made me surprised the most in games why don’t you  tell me yours in the comments

How To become a Geek

Picture this scene you’re hanging out with your mates and they are wittering on about Master chief  the merits of Starwars the force unleashed and Lara Croft’s impact on pop culture. Then one of them turns and asks for your opinion. Everyone falls quiet as they await your choice words of wisdom. You have two options: you can either say “I need new friends” and leave, or try to hit back with some searing insights into gaming

Because here at Geek Trinity we are those guys that Witter on about games for hours even when we aren’t supposed to, we’d naturally go for the second option. Honest. And if you’re reading this hardcore gamer blog, I must suspect you might want to as well. The trouble is that becoming truly knowledgeable about all things to do with gaming takes a lot of effort-hours hunched over books (lol) and the internet, playing software endlessly and developing dark rings under your eyes from looking at monitors for too    long. To help you jump the queue to enlightenment though, I’ve put together some handy tips, info and advice on how to stand head and shoulders (and possibly navel) above your gaming comrades when it comes to games buffery (not sure if this is a real word)

1.     How big is big enough?

Relax! I’m talking about the size of your game library. Although it’s not a necessity to have all the games in the world it never hurts to wow friends and foe alike with your mother lode of games. And don’t worry am sure people won’t think your compensating XD.

Game stores can offer great offers on games allowing for gamers to pick up pre-owned games at low prices. If you are decent and would forego the clutter of Game cases there online stores not only for Pc but also the consoles and they offer way lower prices.

2.     News, reviews, playthroughs and everything in between

If you want to know what a developer is planning for your next game or you want to see if a game is worth buying then you should check out sites like IGN and Sourc3 Machin3.Early on I would have sent you over to Cheat desk or Cheat cc after this for those lazy bums but unfortunately with the rise of the Online multiplayer use of cheats have been on a steady decline. Compared to GTA V San Andreas was Cheat-a-palozza.

Although you won’t be buying cheat books you will spend a lot of time checking up Console commands for games like Minecraft and Skyrim

3. Attend Every-Con

This has to be the ultimate Kudos-grabber for any wannabe games buff-a visit to some of the biggest game shows on earth. While other talk about their trip to some sub-par event, you can bang on about Nai-con or how you destroyed people at a tournament.

Such shows let you learn about upcoming games and provide you with a chance to talk to game devs to learn more about your favorite game. For those lucky enough to be able to globe-trot there millions of shows worldwide including the infamous E3, PAX, RTAx and many more. And on that note I would like to remind you lovely people that this year’s Nai-con has been announced check event section for details and links.    

4. Keep your eye on Reddit

The reddit is an entertainment, social networking service and news website where community members can submit content such as text post or direct links. Not known too many probably since it require a membership fee www.reddit.com has for years claimed to be ‘the front page of the internet” and they might not be wrong.

Reddit has some of the most dedicated fans in their “subreddits’ and they update latest news and information and have very geeky forums. An example of how obsessed redditors are: when BmVagabond’s gamer tag was changed it took less than 5 minutes for the Rooster teeth sub-reddit to blow up. Redditors aren’t exactly the nicest people around but it’s not like you can’t meet a few mates worth going to the pub with there.

5. Know your retro gaming

Ah bless! You really miss playing Mario and Contra or you just want to sound like you have been playing games since you were shaped like something resembling a fetus. Either way it’s always nice to have a little history to show your devotion.

Since I’m such a good guy here are some good retro games to start you off:

• ·         Starwars: Knights of the old republic I & II
• ·         Deus ex  
• ·         The Sims
• ·         Half-life
• ·         Duke nukem
• ·         Delta force
• ·         Resident evil IV

6. Youtubers and streamers

Twitch.tv is the next level in entertainment. Formerly Justin.tv twitch has thousands of Streamers from all over the world playing every game possible on all consoles and pc each with his or her own personalized style. Twitch has a chat for each streamer that allows for a seamless conversation allowing one to interact and be able to help them and feel part of the experience. Twitch especially comes in handy for launch titles you can’t get personally. A few good streamers that could interest you include the young Nigerian Prince Master Zedx for a complete comedic approach at gaming, you could join Official COD streamer TfCarbon as he plays with his fans and bets his virtual currency dubbed “cookies” with his chat. If you prefer a jolly laugh mixed in with some of the amazing GTA gameplay join Lm8Gaming or Ladymiss80’s for the time of your life.

The major disadvantage with Twitch is that it is live so you can’t really use it to look up something particular but luckily the Youtubers have our backs covered with Gatman providing you with the greatest gameplay a geek could ask for. For your entire comic needs be sure to check out Justanerd at IWatchStuff. There also a lot of channels without verification but bring amazing indie games like Nerd³.

7. Read up on some trivia

So you know your games – the cheats, the secrets, the best strategies – but to really impress, it’s best to go along to any gaming conversation armed with some nice juicy but fundamentally useless trivia to dazzle your mates with. Here are a few choice facts plucked from the world of gaming…

• ·         The first game to cause controversy wasn’t a gore fest like Carmageddon – in fact, it was the humble arcade machine Space Invaders which raised heckles on its arrival in the UK many moons ago. A bunch of hysterical MPs decided to call for a blanket ban on the arcade machine, claiming that it would cause youngsters to become addicted to the game, make them skive off from school and, of course, go on a crime spree. Naturally.
• ·         GTA V broke sales record on 17^th September 2013 becoming the fastest-selling entertainment product in history, earning US$800 million in its first day and US$1 billion in its first three days.
• ·         Back in 1996, a psychologist claimed that having a quick game on Doom could boost resistance to infection because the number of antibodies found in the player’s saliva rose for up to half an hour after having a blast on the top title. While gamers all over imagined playing games all night and being super-healthy because of it, it was pointed out that levels of antibodies quickly returned to normal after playing…
• ·         Sony’s PlayStation was originally planned as a CD-ROM add-on for Super Nintendo.
• ·         Before Leon fought for his life in the European villages of Resident Evil 4, Capcom created four different versions of the title. One of the scrapped versions eventually found life as another popular Capcom franchise – Devil May Cry
• ·         Remember the PlayStation 2’s startup screen? The one with the uneven white towers? Those towers actually represent games – the ps2 reads the memory cards and based on the save data, populates the screen accordingly.
• ·         The Name Noob Saibot from Mortal Kombat is actually the names Tobias and Boon spelled backwards

So Young Padawan may the force be with you on your journey to becoming the ultimate geek